She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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