the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
