i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
