Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment