I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
