I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.