He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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