I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
