I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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