i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
