You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize