its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
