im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I puked a lego.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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