I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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