Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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