god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize