just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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