i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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