My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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