the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
