she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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