who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
