I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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