there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
