doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
