We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
