M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
