when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
