You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
