well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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