I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
