He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
