wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
