Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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