u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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