And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
