hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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