I want to make a zoo with you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
