Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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