He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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