so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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