I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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