you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
