My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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