I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
