His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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