i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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