ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
