Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
