i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
