i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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