I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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