Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
