i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
