hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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