I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
