Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
