I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
