i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i believe in u and ur pee
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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