Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
