like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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