her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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