Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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